Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
