I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
