going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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