so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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