i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
