My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
