The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm having to shit out rocks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
