Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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