everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
