That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
