just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
