you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
