I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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