you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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