Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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