The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love you. Go after that dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize