Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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