you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
