Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
