you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
