there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
