...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
