I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
