Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
