I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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