I cannot find my penis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Houston, we have a blender
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
