your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
