moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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