So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
