Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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