apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
