eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
