your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize