I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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