The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
