He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
