Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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