It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
