Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
