I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
