Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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