She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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