My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
