i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Houston, we have a squirter
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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