why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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