So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
