well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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