apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
