how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
