what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
