it was like eating out sand paper
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
