I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
