And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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