As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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