Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
