There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
