Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
