ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i out mim tonsoeep
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
