I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Semen is not good for contacts.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
