oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize