So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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