Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
