DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize