She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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