I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
