I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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