I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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