I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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