Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
