I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
