Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
