Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
