yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
