All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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