And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize